Lately, I’ve been feeling like I have too much stuff.
My brain and home have too much clutter to see clearly. The disorganization impacting the way I feel. The items overloading my nervous system.
Sensory overload.
When it comes to decluttering I get stuck. Whether it’s dealing with my mental or physical clutter. I become too burdened to dig myself out so I just stay covered feeling the weight of it all.
It’s so heavy.
When I think about downsizing more I feel a tightness in my chest. “But I don’t know where home is yet. What if I’ll need this in the future? What if we move? What if I don’t know what I want?”
The what-if questions flood in pulling me under.
So then I have to counter myself. I have to check in with myself and my worries.
What if I don’t? And what if when I do I find I still don’t need it? And what if I just buy it again in the future with even more intention?
What if I commit to making decisions that increase my happiness now? What if I stop waiting to live the life I want to live? What if I make my spaces and where I’m at in life work for me instead of creating some strange timeline or reward that defines when I can decide I’m happy?
What if I stopped telling myself things are impossible? What if I decide that anything is possible? What if I expressed myself wholly and gave myself the same space I leave for others?
What if I stopped letting my anxiety dictate what is possible and what my future has in store?
For every negative and limiting “what if” there are 55 more that bring you closer to your truth. 55 more reasons that bring you closer to your potential.
Right now my truth is this:
I have too much clutter. Physically. Mentally. I need to release.
I am uncomfortable with myself right now.
I haven’t been working for what I want because I’ve been acting as my own worst enemy instead of a good friend.
Writing has been helping me get better.
I’d rather have hope in the future than dwell on all the potential negatives and never try for what I want.
We’ve handled a lot of loss recently and it’s been a stark reminder that life is way too short to not take chances.
Life Update
Thank you for sticking with me this month. I realize it’s June and I’ve barely been present here. The month started with me trying to determine whether or not I’d be moving across the country. Based on some life circumstances we decided that this was not an ideal time for another move and unfortunately, I pulled out from the position I was offered. Not even a week after this decision we got news of a family loss. This has been difficult for us to process and as a result, we are traveling internationally this month to handle affairs.
Ideally, I’ll be posting more this month. We will be traveling for about 10 days and outside of that I’m back to the grind of applying for positions, taking exams, and writing for here. I just wanted to post a quick update to keep you in the loop and thank you for being patient with me.
Until next time.
xoxo,
Roo